Episode 8: Our Language Impacts Our Experience

In Podcast by Charrise McCrorey

In this episode of The CoQuora Podcast, David & Charrise will discuss the impact language has on our experiences. They illustrate the difference between language that describes, and language that creates. Listen in to discover ways to create a better life experience through the language you choose to use.

Highlights:
  • We depend on everyone else outside of us to be our cheerleaders, but the inner-critic is alive and well in pretty much anyone.
  • One of the ways that manifest is that all of those fears we have sort of live inside that inner-dialogue, and oftentimes we can feel like that’s us. The truth is it isn’t us.
  • The false belief that we carry around with us is that we are that voice, and that voice is informing us about what we are actually capable of, when in fact it’s really just our ego-voice that pops up wanting to keep us safe so we don’t get hurt, wanting us not to take risks, wanting us to stay small and stay enclosed, and have that hard exterior shell so that we’re not going to be in any danger.
  • Much like fear, the inner-dialogue does serve a purpose, because it points you to something.
  • If you are constantly aware of that voice degrading you in a certain area you get to examine that area, and you might not have otherwise, so it can serve a very distinct purpose.
  • This idea of language creating change or not is because most of us can get that if we talk to ourselves in a certain way, it’s likely to encourage us into certain actions or discourage us from certain actions.
  • Language creates action or it stops action. It’s not just talk. It’s not just words. I think that’s just something we need to become very conscious of.
  • What about the language that literally comes out of your mouth and impacts the communities you’r part of, impacts your family, impacts your relationships, impacts your world. How can you be conscious of a distinction between the language, which is actually going to be helpful in creating a bigger future, a language which is not?
  • The big mistake groups make  is they get themselves into this world of left-hand column, they describe the problem, they justify it, they explain, they talk about what they’re going to do, they describe the actions that would make a difference, but until they get over into the right-hand column nothing actually changes. Right-hand column is the world of promises, is the world of making a request, making an invitation, making a commitment
  • Can you imagine getting groups of people together, communities of people together, talking about what truly matters to them about the future that they want to create and then having people stand up with other people who are equally committed to the actions and making that level of, “This is what we’re committed to.”
  • Even buried in this distinction of that the language we use can create change, we also are assuming the position that change is good for us all.
Exercise:

This challenge is inspired by a good friend and mentor of mine from many years ago, Jeffrey Higgins, when he heard me talking about different ways of using language he came to me and gave this beautiful idea that inside every complaint there is an unexpressed request. Inside every complaint we make there is actually a request we’re trying to make, but we’re just not making that clearly and so it’s coming out as a complaint. Actually, you could put complaint in the left-hand column, because I don’t know about you, Charrise, no amount of complaining seems to make any difference at all, other than probably my sense of ego righteousness about a particular thing, but complaint does not create change. Complaint plus a commitment will make change.

Here’s the challenge; Have a look at anything which is a consistent persistent complaint in your life. Is there something that you find yourself consistently complaining about? You might be doing it with yourself or with others. Can you identify the unexpressed request in that complaint? Try and go beyond the knee jerk, just making the opposite of the complaint.

For example, if you find yourself complaining recently about the financial situation you are in, the unexpressed request is not likely just to be, “So I should have more money,” or, “Please may I have more money,” it’s likely to be something about an action you can take or an action that you’re avoiding. If the complaint is around your financial situation maybe the unexpressed request is, “I’m not making enough requests of people who could actually buy my product or services,” and what’s that about.

Maybe if you work for somebody else, this is a consistent complaint that people have about their bosses. They want to get more quality time with their boss. What’s the unexpressed request with that? The request is not, “Boss, will you please spend more time with me,” it’s likely to be something very specific. It might be a request for particular information about a particular project or initiative.

Here’s the challenge again: Have a look at a persistent complaint that’s going on for you at the moment, and then try and find the request that you’re not being clear about and make that clear. Part 3; can you actually make that request? Can you make that request to the boss, can you make more requests to your customer banks around the service or offerings that you have.

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